SIDE H - Agnes, Interviewer
AGNES. (With great reluctance.) We were very close. Our whole family. Especially after my father died. We were just children then. Mama worked very hard to keep us together. We had a dairy farm. It was a beautiful place. Big, old house . . . 1873. And so much land. It seemed even bigger then . . . I was so little. We were very happy. And then Claire.. there was a boy ... well, she left us ... just like that. She was a lot like Mama. They would fight and yell and throw things at each other ... they got along very well. Claire was so beautiful. I would hide in my room. I got so frightened when they fought, but … I don't know... suddenly the fight would be over and Mama would throw open her arms and curse the day she bore children and Claire would laugh and then Mama would laugh and hug her close . .. and then all of us, we would laugh . . . I can still hear us … But she left. And we never heard from her. Almost a year. The longest year I can remember. Mama waited and waited, but she never wrote or came back to visit ... nothing. And then one morning, we received a phone call from a man in Louisiana. There was an accident ... something. And Claire was dead. They said at first they thought she was going to be all right, but she was hemorrhaging and.. This is very hard to remember.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. But these letters from Claire.
AGNES. Yes. You see, it was after Claire died that Mama started to get sick. All of a sudden, she was 'old.' And she isn't, you know. But she just seemed to give up. I couldn't bring her out of it. Claire could have. But I couldn't. We lost the farm, the house, everything. One thing led to another. The letters ... uh . . It was after one of the last operations. Mama came home from the hospital and she seemed very happy. She was much stronger than ever. She laughed und joked and made fun of me, just like she used to .. and then she told me she had written a letter while she was in the hospital... to Claire ... and who said she was very nice to her and she forgave her for not writing and keeping in touch and she asked her to come home to visit and to bring her children . . . Claire had been dead for a long time then. I didn't know what to do. I tried to tell her ... I tried . .. but she wouldn't listen ... And, of course, no letter came. No reply. And Mama asked every day for the mail. Every day I had to tell her no, there wasn't any.
Every day. I kept hoping she would forget, but she didn't. And when there wasn't any letter for a long time, she started to get worse. She wouldn't talk and when she did she accused me of being jealous and hiding the letters and sometimes... I didn't know what to do ... So ... (Pause.)
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. How long have you been writing these letters?
AGNES. Almost two years... You're not angry with me, are you?
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. No.
AGNES. It means so much to her. It's important to her. It's something to hope for. You have to have something. People need something to keep them going.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Do they?
AGNES. Yes. Sometimes I think, if we can wait long enough, something will happen. Oh, not that Mama will get better, but something . . . So I write the letters. I don't mind. It's not difficult. I read little things in books and newspapers and I make up what's happening. Sometimes I just write whatever comes into my head. You see, Mama doesn't really listen to them anymore. She used to. It used to be the only time I could talk to her. But now it doesn't matter what they say. It's just so she knows that Claire is coming.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. What happens when Claire doesn't show up?
AGNES. Oh, but I don't think that will happen. I, mean, Mama . . . well, she won't ... I mean, even if . . .
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. You mean she'll probably die before she even finds out.
AGNES.(Nods her head.) Yes.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. What will you do then, Agnes?
AGNES. (Surprised by the question, she looks out at the INTERVIEWER for a long time. Then . . .) It makes her happy.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Does it?
AGNES. (More confused.) I don't know.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. What about you, Agnes?
AGNES. Me?
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Does it make you happy?
AGNES. Me?
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Yes.
AGNES. (She touches her head lightly.) Please, I ... I should be getting back.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Agnes?
AGNES. Sometimes she does things now, I don't know why ... I... (Trying to accuse the INTERVIEWER.) The pain is much worse. This medicine you've given her . . . it doesn't help.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Yes, we know. It may be necessary to move her up to the hospital again.
AGNES. But you said before .
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. I know.
AGNES. And now?
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. It's hard to say.
AGNES. No.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. I'm sorry.
AGNES. No, you're not sorry. You don't know anything about sorry. You put her in some room. You do one more operation. You wrap her up in your ma-chines. You scribble on her chart. And then you go away. You don't know about sorry.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. We had thought that it wouldn't go on this long, but there's nothing we can do about it.
AGNES. But I don't want it to go on. You promised ... it can't! Even when she's asleep now, she has dreams. I can tell. I hear them. You keep saying, a few days, a few days. But it's weeks and months ... all winter and now the spring . . .
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. She has a strong will.
AGNES. (Almost laughs.) Oh, yes. I know that.
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Sometimes that's enough to keep a very sick person alive for a long time.
AGNES. But why? Why? When it hurts so bad? Why does she want to keep going like this? Why?
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. She's waiting for Claire.
AGNES. (Stunned.) What ... ? What did you say?
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. It's what we call 'making a bargain.' She's made up her mind that she's not going to. die until Claire arrives.
AGNES. (Denying it.) Oh, no . . . no
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. ... it might easily be the reason. Now that you've explained about the letters.
AGNES.... no... no • •
VOICE OF INTERVIEWER. Agnes ...
AGNES... no... it isn't true... it isn’t.
END